How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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