I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
