dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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