The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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