No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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