i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
