You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
