I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm like, not good at living.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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