I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
