you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
