How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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