She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
