Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
