He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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