Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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