I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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