Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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