wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
