Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
