So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
