oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
