if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
