I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
