You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
