mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
