it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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