i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
