Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
