Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
