you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
