I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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