She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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