They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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