Your face is a jimmy john
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
