I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
