I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
