let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
two words: eviction party
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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