Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
