I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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