# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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