The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
