That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
