is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
