sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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