Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
