sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
