in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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