Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
