dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
