turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
