i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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