Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Panties = found
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
