I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
