we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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