Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
