It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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