seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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