I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
