you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
