It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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